The Announcement of Doom
by Aisling Niamh
Summary: You open up the Generic Daily SunTimes, and look what you find... Oneshot, rated to be safe for brief humorous alcohol use. Yup. Small explanation added at end


**Ais A/N: Same story, I just stuck something on the end! **

SENA-NAGIRA

Amon Nagira and Robin Sena were married last week after a rather stormy courtship and many notorious arguments in the middle of the neighborhood P-Mart (which were paid for by the insurance company). There was much debate about who should perform the ceremony. Father Juliano was discussed, but the groom belongs to the Buddhist religion and declined to convert to Catholicism on the basis that he "did not want to bother." After some wild talk of ordaining Michael Lee, it was decided that "this is an alternate universe so it doesn't really matter anyway." Father Juliano performed the ceremony at Generic Christian-looking Church Number 257.

The bride believed that a traditional white wedding was in order, but white makes the groom nervous, so the colors were eventually decided to be both black and white.

Yurika Doujima and Miho Karasuma were the bridesmaids. The best man was originally planned to be the groom's older brother, but he laughed at the groom's choice of ring bearer, so the older Nagira and the planned ring bearer ended up changing places. Groomsman Michael Lee carried Mr. Orbo Gun up to its place beside its best friend. The older Mr. Nagira's white body cast was nicely set off by his black suit and the black ring pillow as he was wheeled up the aisle by Nurse Otsuki. The bride was given away by her former boss Mr. Kosaka. Mr. Hatori played the organ, after taking an emergency correspondence class for three weeks. There was a slight problem when he began to play "Yes, We Have No Bananas" instead of "Here Comes The Bride." However, a subtle hymnal thrown from the direction of guest Mireille Bouquet, who flown all the way from Paris and was not about to see a couple hundred bucks go to waste, quickly fixed it.

The bride wore a traditional white dress and carried pink roses, while the groom wore a black suit with a black shirt and a black tie and a black boutonnière and black shoes. The bridesmaids nearly wore pink polyester with some kind of sparkly gold things on them, but fortunately Doujima stepped in and corrected this grave error, and she and Karasuma got to wear black satin and carry pink roses, much to their relief.

Guests of the bride included possibly-going-to-be-a-couple Tohru Honda and Kyo Sohma, best friends Mireille Bouquet and Yuumera Kirika, so-not-a-couple-insert-eye-roll Inuyasha and Kagome, Dr. Pan-Ji and his grandson Pan-Taron, and betrothed couple Tanpopo Yamazaki and Koki Kugyo. Guests of the groom included fratello Henrietta and Jose; supernaturals Ogin and Momosuke; bitter enemies Mugen and Jin with their peace-keeper Fuu between them at all times; couple Deunan Knute and Briareos Hecatochires; Chief Aramaki, Major Kusanagi, and Batou of Section 9; and, strangely enough, Ayu Hamasaki with a Tachicoma.

The ceremony was pleasant and short, and went on generally without incident, except when Father Juliano asked the traditional question, "If anyone here has reason why these two should not be joined, speak now or forever hold your peace."

A woman, who identified herself as Touko, and a man swathed in white bandages, casts, slings, and Neosporin from head to foot began yelling about "true love" and "purging the clear waters," respectively. The police arrived and things went smoothly from that point until the groom's vows. He made several loud gulping sounds until groomsman Michael Lee delivered a swift kick to the knee, but the ceremony finished without further problems.

The reception was held in Generic Hall-Type-Thing Number 188. DJ Matsushita flew in all the way from "Nana" to DJ the wedding. The guests enjoyed or did not enjoy the dinner of Sushi on Mashed Potatoes, Chicken a la Kiosk, some sort of unidentifiable overcooked green vegetable, Cold Soba Noodles with Cranberry Sauce, Bruised Fruit Salad on Rice, and Cold Hard Rolls, most of which went home in Sakaki's pockets. After firing the catering service, ordering takeout and pizza, and sending Michael out for Cheetos, the party was a huge success. The toast was made by Kosaka and Sakaki, and was only seventeen minutes and ten seconds long. Everyone loved the black midnight chocolate wedding cake with black icing and decoration and the vanilla ice cream served for dessert, as well as the alcoholic beverages served. Small bottles of black food coloring were provided for the drinks and temporarily nonalcoholic punch, per the groom's request.

The newlywed couple ran out to their black Audi halfway through the reception (but before the chicken dance, to their immense relief) only to find the outside covered in pink and white paper and the seats appearing to be recovered with white leather. After reviving the groom and fortifying him with a large whiskey, Sakaki and Michael removed all of the paper, Rose Garden air fresheners, and Generic Leather-look Fabric. All the guests saw the couple, accompanied by the best man Mr. Orbo Gun, off on their honeymoon to Gazth-Sonika. Gazth-Sonika is known as The Place To Go For Endless Confusing Mystery, Beauty, and Danger, That Is, If You Do Not Fear Death and Carry High-powered Weaponry, and Also Promise Not To Talk To Anyone Associated With An Unnamed Organization. The trip was kindly organized by Triple-S Travel Agencies: Bargain Section.

The high points of the wedding after Mr. and Mrs. Nagira's departure included Michael shooting champagne out of his nose and the older Mr. Nagira's secretary knocking Kosaka's new toupee from his head during the conga line. However, everyone agreed that the most interesting event of the night was when Nagira and Sakaki, after two bottles of champagne, several dirty martinis, and a couple rum-and-cokes between them, both attempted to propose to Miss Doujima in the same place at the same time. A fistfight nearly erupted but was quelled by Nagira's being a wheelchair. Sakaki challenged the validity of Nagira's proposal on the grounds of his inability to get down on one knee because of his casts. Nagira then challenged Sakaki to a duel, but luckily it was quickly forgotten when both realized that Michael was taping the whole thing for the wedding video. (This highly anticipated video will be showing on several main and cable stations as well as a few movie theaters. Check your local listings for dates and times.)

The ceremony ended when rumors of several different strange international organizations attacking began to circulate. Everyone got out before the S.W.A.T teams arrived, and there were only three hospitalizations, all unrelated. One occurred when Michael tripped over Miho, spilling a glass of cheap red wine on her dress and knocking over a table. Miho was not physically injured other than a few bruises, but Michael got hit repeatedly with Miho's purse. Everyone was happy to hear that there should be no permanent scarring and Kosaka's video camera was not damaged. The second hospitalization occurred when Harry, normally tending the bar, danced with Doujima. He was sadly very, very allergic to her perfume, but he will probably be out of the hospital in a day or two, once the swelling goes down. Lastly, The STN-J Doorman was hospitalized briefly for excessive running-into-walls. All in all, an enjoyable time was had by everyone.

………………..

**_There seems to have been some very slight confusion about the story! (Don't worry, I can see why!) For one thing, it was full of at-least-somewhat inside jokes. I imagine somebody out there got them though!_**

**So here we go:**

**P-mart: The store Robin always walks by is named "P-mart" for reasons unknown. (Obviously they have very good fire insurance.) **

**Generic Christian Looking Church: In anime, churches have a tendency to look quite alike… I hear it's been in vogue in Japan to get married in a church with a blonde minister even if you don't belong to that particular religion.**

**White wedding: Obviously, Robin would want traditional whiteness. Amon would run in terror. **

**Nagira's body cast: He laughed at Mr. Orbo Gun! Amon was mortally offended. Violence ensued. Pain resulted.**

**Mireille Bouquet: Of _Noir_. She certainly would not want to see her money go to waste by having the wrong music played; they're lucky she didn't open fire.**

**Bridesmaids' dresses: It is very rare to see a decent bridesmaid's dress. Many of them actually do hold resemblance to the pink polyester sparkly dresses mentioned here…**

**Tohru Honda and Kyo Sohma: Of _Fruits Basket_, of course. My personal favorite Furuba couple.**

**Mireille and Kirika: Of _Noir_. Of course, they are also business partners.**

**Inuyasha and Kagome: Of _Inuyasha_. I cannot say I am an Inuyasha fan.**

**Pan-ji and Pan-taron: Of _Panda-z_. Or is it _Pan-z_? I don't remember…. Eep.**

**Tanpopo and Koki: Of the manga _Imadoki_. **

**Henrietta and Jose (a.k.a. Guiseppe): _Of Gunslinger Girl_. Wouldn't it stand to reason that Amon would know people from the Social Welfare Agency? …Wouldn't it?**

**Ogin and Momosuke: Of _Requiem from the Darkness_. They can time-travel, of course. No, really.**

**Mugen, Jin, and Fuu: Quite obviously of _Samurai Champloo_. They must time-travel too.**

**Deunan Knute and Briareos Hecatochires: Of _Appleseed_. **

**Section 9: Of course, a reference to _Ghost In The Shell_.**

**Ayu Hamasaki and a Tachicoma: Why not? **

**DJ Matsushita: As I said, made a brief appearance in the manga _Nana_. **

**Vanilla ice cream: Amon ordered the cake, but Robin thought that at least some white should be involved….**

**Gazth-Sonika and Triple-S Travel Agencies: Madlax references. Watch the DVD extra "Conversations with SSS" for the travel agency joke.**

**Strange international organizations and S.W.A.T. teams: Isn't everybody in anime being chased by somebody, most likely an international organization? And they're all in one room…**

**_Although I'm sure most or all of this was obvious, you never know! Besides everyone knows I just love talking about myself, after all… :D_**

_**----Ais**_


End file.
